Okay, one last time for the newbies...
Hooray!!! Mommy, come listen! Uncle Paul's gonna tell us "The Poop Story" again! Yippeee!!!
Back when Muffy was still a little tiny guy,
Yeah, just like *us* junior Tough Buns! Oooh, this is gonna be *good*...
he hadn't mastered the use of his litterbox yet, and used to leave his little poops around on the floor in different places; we had to institute "Poop Patrol", a periodic ritual that involved walking around and collecting these goodies off the floor throughout the apartment.
Hey, Muffy sounds *cooool* having his slaves trained like that!
So, one day I was doing poop patrol with my left hand while also munching on a handful of peanuts from my right hand.
"left hand" Tee-hee-hee. SHHH... let's listen!
Unsalted peanuts, incidentally, are very interesting in Canada...
Yeah, I bet they are! Tee-hee-hee!
The regulations define salted peanuts as prepared foods, but unsalted ones as unprepared--thus...
You sure are an *expert* in peanuts, Uncle Paul! Tee-Hee.
As I was proceeding through the bedroom, I decided to open the window to throw the poops out onto the grass.
"the grass", surrre... Oh, boy! Now we're coming to the *good* part!
However, since I had both hands full (one with peanuts, one with poops), I needed to free up one hand to do it with.
Yeeesss? And then, and then, and THEN? Ooh, I can't wait! [ears perked up and pointed forward] SHHH, SHHH... Quiet, Charky!
So I quickly tossed the remaining peanuts into my mouth and
No, no! You're *killin'* us here! And then, and THEN? [periscoping like kanga-rabbits]
bit down...
And, AND? [eyes widening in anticipation]
Wrong hand!
BUUUA-HA-HA-HA!!!
No, Uncle Paul, you *didn't*! Really? Man, what a *loser*!
BUUUA-HA-HA-HA!!!
ROTFLOFAO (rolling on the floor, laughing our furry a**es off)
___________________________________ .__. .= .__. ._ .o .o .= | | | | | | | | | o o o o o o == o -----------------------------------
Uncle Paul ate the poop, Uncle Paul ate the poop,
the poo-oo-oop, the poo-oo-oop, the POO-OO-OOP!!!
Uncle Paul ate the poop!!!
[furry paws clapping thunderously]
The next sound [Aunt] Faye heard was sort of like "GAAAKBWAHAHAGAAKBWAHAHA#!^&*^##2&*(AAARGPTUIHAHAHA"
This sounds like a *moose* gargling! BUUUA-HA-HA-HA!!! [rolling over on backs, kicking furry feets into the air]
as I attempted to laugh, curse, spit, and gag all at once.
Oh, Uncle Paul, make that face again!!! BUUUA-HA-HA-HA!!! [wrinkling noses, twitching whiskers, and flattening ears sideways, imitating Uncle Paul] BINKY, BINKY, BINKY!!!
This all happened before we brought Mimi into our family, and when Muffy was still as tiny and cute as you are now.
Yay! He is our *hero*!!! We want to be exactly like Muffy when we grow up!
I think that he's binkying and chuckling to himself over all of this now.
Just like we are now! BUUUA-HA-HA-HA!!! Muffy sure was clever!
So that's the story once again.
Yeah, and what a GREAT story it is! It's our *favorite* bedtime story of all time. Ahhh...
Sweet dreams, little guys.
Thank you, Uncle Paul, thank you for telling it to us again!
Charky and Ash
*YAWN* [eyes closing]
...ZZZ-ZZZ... pooph phatrol ...ZZZ-ZZZ...
...ZZZ-ZZZ... pheanutz, wrong hand ...ZZZ-ZZZ...
...ZZZ-ZZZ... gargling moooze ...ZZZ-ZZZ...
...ZZZ-ZZZ... Ahhh... Yezzz. ...ZZZ-ZZZ...
[falling into RWM (rapid whisker movement) sleep]
Try to think of a different story next time.
...ZZZ-ZZZ... Nope. Same story. ...ZZZ-ZZZ...
...ZZZ-ZZZ... Uncle Paul, Mr. Peanut. ...ZZZ-ZZZ...
...ZZZ-ZZZ... gargling moooze ...ZZZ-ZZZ...
| To Uncle Paul's Story | To Charcoal and Ash's Song |
