I have found that one of the most difficult things to explain to people is the grief and sorrow I feel after losing Rufus. Many pet owners go through the same thing, having to hear "it was only a ... " In many ways I feel it is more difficult for those of us who have exotic (read not dog or cat) pets. Many people just don't understand the level of interaction and bonding between the two of us. On the other hand, many people have been exposed to the bonds between dogs or cats and people.
I have a collection of poetry and stories shared with me by members of the PetBunny community after I lost Rufus. Some of it is beautiful and inspiring, most of it will still make me cry. Even though some of it is probably copyrighted and I do not have references or citations, I offer it here because the sentiments expressed make me feel like someone understands my pain. I freely share it with everyone in the hopes that it will provide some comfort to people who are grieving the loss of a bunny.
Mary Cotter wrote a beautiful poem after she lost her Douglas. It says many of the things I felt (and still feel) about losing Rufus.
Ken Albin wrote a grief FAQ for PetBunny.
During the last few months of 1995, it seemed that everytime I logged onto the computer there was another member of PetBunny saying goodbye to somebun. As the end of the year approached someone suggested that we write tributes to those buns that we had lost. TO LIFE was the thread. I collected those stories, too, and have them here so that you may share in the sentiments and strength of people who have loved and lost. This continues to be added to, so if you would like to have your bunny immortalized on this page, let me know.
It's been more than a year since he's been gone, my darling Rufus boy. For a while there I didn't think about him much, I knew he was gone, but I didn't think about him. But, in the last few months, I've been putting in some work on these pages, and I've been talking about him with different people. It still hurts, and I still miss him. He was an amazing bunny, one that truly is responsible for leading me down the path of rescue. Many rabbits have been saved because of him, and many more will be. No bunny will ever take his place, and it's unlikely that I will ever even find a successor to him. His mate, Flower, is now bonded with Wanda and Tucker, but sometimes I think she still misses him, too. He touched my life in such a special way, and I'll never forget that. His ashes sit on my shelf in the living room, in a beautiful ceramic dish someone gave me many, many years ago. I never knew what to do with it, but it was too pretty to get rid of. I miss him so, but I know he's always near.
And finally, because this page is dedicated to Rufus, and it is my tribute to him, I share with you my note to the Petbunny community. I've heard, in a roundabout way, that at least one person has printed this out and carries it around. I hope that sharing my grief and my loss will help others.
To: Petbunny
From: Laura
December 23, 1995
Rufus made it through surgery fine. I saw him at 3 yesterday afternoon, and was told I could take him home. I decided to wait so I could talk to Dr. Lon. He was out at lunch and I had some questions and wanted to make sure I understood feeding and stuff. I made an appointment for 4:30 and headed out. I got back a little early and the office staff said that they were busy and it might be a while. I said OK, and decided to finish my christmas shopping. While I was standing at the desk Dr. Lon came out and said that Rufus had just crashed on them. I stood there, dumbfounded. He said they had done CPR and I just looked at him waiting to hear "he's OK". It never came. Then I wanted to scream at him, why are you here, save him. But I knew. I went back and my baby was still warm. My beautiful, beautiful boy is gone.
I don't know what to do. I've been crying all night, Flower won't eat (she knows), and I can't say goodbye. I spent hours and hours last night holding his body. He looks so peaceful, like he's sleeping. What am I going to do without him? I'm taking him up to my old vet's for an autopsy. But I can't say goodbye. I was going to take him home with me and bury him next to Bunny Bear, but he'll be so far away. I don't want him to be gone. I want him with me. I need him, Flower needs him. He was fine Thurs night. I was wrapping presents and he was running on the couch and getting hin the way, and playing in the paper. I don't want to let him go. I've lost so much this year, I just can't lose him too. I sit here bawling my eyes out and I don't know what to do.
I wish I had the ability to write him a beautiful tribute, but I just can't find the words.
Rufus, my darling, you are the most special bunny in the whole world.
Because of you, so many other bunnies have been saved. If you weren't so
wonderful, I would have never started fostering and all those babies
would have died. You contributed so much to me and to the world. Flower
misses you terribly, and if you can get to her, tell her to eat. She has
to eat. Rufus, for all those times I pushed you away when you wanted
petting and I was too busy, I'm sorry. For all the time I wasn't
there,
I'm sorry. I hope that you were happy and that you enjoyed your life with
me. I called your daddy yesterday and told him what happened, he is very
sad that you are gone. I
love you, Rufus. You were my first housebunny and even though you never
stopped eating carpet and could be a complete terror, I loved you and
would do anything to have you back. I don't know
how to say goodbye, so instead I'll just say i love you. Enjoy the
rainbow bridge, my precious, I'll be there someday.
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